Why I'm Still Here
by DCKidWing13
Summary: Nightwing has some thoughts on if his life is really worth living. Special Cameo appearance you won't suspect... MY VERY FIRST FANFICTION EVER! [Story 1 in the My Son series. The sequel to this is 'My son', currently in the Nightwing section, soon to be in the Batman section. Rated K plus for VERY few words and suicidal thoughts.]


I do not own anything. If I did happen to own any of the DC characters, there would be quite a few changes.

Why I'm Still Here

As he looked down upon the littered streets, he started thinking about _it_ again. _Why do I continue to do this night after night? Why do I still pull on this skin tight costume and run around as a vigilante? What purpose does it give me? It isn't like how it used to be when I was a kid. I no longer get that instant sensation as soon as I knock down a crook or stop a robber. No, it's different now. I now understand how serious this job is and how easily it can hurt the people you love. So then why do I still do it? He always said that I had a choice, but did I really? Why am I so determined to protect a city I've never even been to until six years ago. Why? Why am I still doing this when I know in the long run people are going to get hurt because of it. Because of me. How much pain will it take until I finally get that this needs to end. I mean, wasn't it enough after what happened last year? Wasn't it enough when Barbara broke my heart, Blockbuster destroyed my apartment building with everyone inside, the city that I sworn to protect had hundreds of people die because of me, and have my childhood home bombed. And to top it all off, I'm not even sure if Bruce cares about me at all anymore. I used to think that he would always need me as much as I do him. But now he just treats me like I'm worthless garbage not good enough for his praise. For Christ's sake he took him about 12 years to frigging adopt me. Bruce is right, I am just a worthless loser who's lost everything and isn't worth loving. Why do I even bother with any of this? It's been a year and it still hurts so damn bad it makes me cry sometimes. I don't deserve this life. I don't deserve the friends I have. I am only going to cause them pain in the end. The only thing I deserve is to die! To die slowly and painfully. I might be missed, but they'll get over it. Soon they will see it is for the best. I-I am protecting them. And death is the only way to do it._

He snapped out of it as soon as the thought became too deep only to find himself leaning too far over the edge of the roof. He backed away slowly and wiped away to tears that somehow managed to slip from under his mask.

"No. No, pull yourself together, Grayson. You know better. Stop being a chicken and keep trying to take the easy way out. If it didn't work the first time, why the hell do you keep thinking about it? It'll get better. It has to." He told himself.

_It won't get better._

" No, stop it! I know it will."

_Why don't I just go ahead and end it right here, right now? Why am I still here?_

"…Because I need to be."

_Why?_

"Because no matter what happens, I know that I have at least person in the world who will always love me."

_Who? Bruce?_

"…Bruce. I know we haven't been getting along well lately, but I know he still loves me."

_No, he doesn't._

"Yes he does! Bruce loves me! He always has and he always will! He'll always love me." He repeated those last words until it rang in his head casting out any other bad thoughts that might pop up.

"He loves me, and I love him, too. We're a family no matter what. Me and Bruce and Tim and Alfred-all of us. And I have friends, too. I know Roy and Wally will always be there for me, and Clark, too. And Barbara. Maybe she still loves me as much as I do her. Maybe this break-up is just as hard and painful for her as it is for me. Maybe she just needed a break and some space. I do things to live for. I have people-my friends and family to still fight for. And I have a promise to fulfill. I promised them I'd make it right by avenging their deaths and preventing crime. And I'd be damned if I am going to take the easy way out and break that promise." Once again, his eyes stung as water threatened to overflow them. But he wasn't going to cry. He needed to stay strong.

All of a sudden, a spine chilling scream pulled him back to life. He looked down to discover a young woman being mugged by a man at least twice her age.

"I said fork over the dough before I get physical." He said holding out a sock in one hand and knife in the other.

"Please. No. I have 3 little kids and a forth on the way. I have little money and my son is sick. Please, have mercy." The young miss begged.

"Mercy? Why I'm afraid I've never of it." The man lifted his free hand and swung at the lady. To his surprise, it was caught right before the blow was delivered.

"Well then I suppose I'm going to have to teach you a new lesson in vocabulary, won't I?" The mysterious figure said in an unusual lack of humor. The mugger swung his knife at him only to have it knocked out of his hand. The young mistress screamed and couldn't run from the scene fast enough. The vigilante gave one sharp blow to the mugger's jaw and he was unconscious. The costumed man then handcuffed the motionless body to a nearby lamppost for the cops to find. He then shot his grappling hook into the air and sailed off to keep the promise he made, not as Nightwing, but as Robin so long ago.

_I do this because I have to. People depend on me and I won't let them down. I am Nightwing. I will protect this city at all risks. I am the last Flying Grayson. I will keep honor to our name. I am Dick Grayson. I have a family and friends who will always love me. That is why I must still go on. _He thought as he flew through the late night sky. A tear dared to crawl down his soft cheek. But it stopped mid-way, for he wouldn't show weakness, and would stay strong. _And I am not done in this world yet._ _THAT is why I'm still here._

He went off to finish his patrol completely unaware of the long caped man in his mask that had been there the entire time, watching and listening to everything.


End file.
